


Neither of us are bluffing

by violentincest



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bodyswap, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mirror Sex, Mutual Masturbation, No Plot/Plotless, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, playing games with each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 17:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentincest/pseuds/violentincest
Summary: They body swap the night of the Apocawasn't not knowing when heaven and hell would come from them. What are they both to do when they're in each other's bodies? Well, Crowley knows what his night is going to consist of.





	Neither of us are bluffing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I am back again, this time with some mutual wanking and a little bit of crack.
> 
>  
> 
> Not BETA'D. Like a ship's captain I go down with my ship even if it's burning, and there's not chance I'll survive.

Many times when you’re drunk you have an epiphany. It may be something stupid like “Omg this is the best song ever” or ‘Omg this shawarma is amazing” (when really it tastes like shit) to important things like, “Fuck, I’m in love with my best friend”. Whether it be big or small, stupid or smart, drunk ephipanies always happen. It’s not like you can just tell your brain to shut up after all. For Aziraphale, this happened to be one of the important kind.

They were sitting in Crowley’s flat after the Apocawasn’t drinking. Aziraphale didn’t know his bookshop was back yet, and had been invited to stay at Crowley’s. The two thought it best to celebrate with alcohol, lots of alcohol. It was then that the light bulb went off and Aziraphale yelled at Crowley to sober up. He then explained about the note he had from Anathema‘s book, and what they had to do. The two of them didn’t know what time, if any, they were going to come for them, so they switched bodies right away.

Crowley-in Aziraphale’s body- magicked up a couch, and offered to sleep on it. Aziraphale -in Crowley’s body-, just so it’s clear (can’t be too careful these days), declined. He didn’t sleep, but that was besides the point. The point was Crowley would obviously give the bed to Aziraphale, so Aziraphale’s body needed to be the one lying in the bed. Crowley reluctantly agreed, and went off to the bedroom.

It was while he was lying on the couch that Aziraphale got to sober thinking. Tomorrow, if their plan didn’t work, they were both going to end up dead. He would never get to drink with Crowley again. Never get to talk with him. Never get to do anything with him again. They should still be drinking, hanging out, enjoying their maybe last day together.

Aziraphale got up, and walked to the bedroom. The door was ajar slightly, and the lights were still on. Good. The demon hadn’t gone to bed yet, so he wouldn’t be mad at Aziraphale for waking him. He pushed open the door, walked inside, and immediately stopped. 

“Wh-what in heaven’s name are you doing!?” he shouted.

Crowley was standing in front of a mirror, naked, hands running over Aziraphale’s body.

The demon jumped a little, which he hardly ever did, he was a demon after all he didn’t get scared. He was lost in his own thoughts this time though, and knew he was doing something that he shouldn’t be doing. 

He turned his head slightly peering at him. “Admiring you.”

“Wha-why!?”

It was weird watching his own body shrug in the same nonchalant way that Crowley normally did.

“Been wanting to see you like this forever. Surely you have realized that, and we might die tomorrow. This could be my only chance.

“I...well...well you don’t have to touch it…. Him….me!”

“Can’t help it. You’re irresistible.”

“Put my clothes back on immediately or I’ll...I’ll…”

“You”ll what angel?”

“I’ll look at yours!”

Crowley shrugged. “Go right ahead. I’m a little hurt you didn’t already. Surely you were curious.”

“Anthony! I’m being serious. I’m not bluffing!”

“Neither am I angel.”

Aziraphale stared him down. Crowley realized why Aziraphale hated his sunglasses so much. He could not see the expression on his face at all. It was pretty annoying. When Crowley didn’t give in, Aziraphale waved his hand and his clothes disappeared, so he was standing there naked as the day he was created. 

Aziraphale’s mouth gave a little smirk like he was proud that he actually proud that he did it.

“Well, then, go ahead have a look.” he said gesturing towards the mirror.

Determined not to be the one to give up, Aziraphale walked over to the mirror.

“Oh my.” he said looking at himself. He had never seen Crowley naked before, never thought he would get the chance. The man was utterly breathtaking. He was thin. Skinny, bony, and a little too pale, but to Aziraphale he was perfect.

“Like what you see Angel?”

Aziraphale stuttered, and turned around. “Of course not! Why would I!?”

Crowley shrugged. “Because I do. Your bodies perfect.” he said running his hands down it. “Plenty to grab onto while getting hot and heavy. I love some meat on my lovers.”

“I..I am not your-would you stop that!” Aziraphale said as Crowley’s hands came around his hips, dipping his fingers in between his thighs giving them a squeeze.

“I don’t think I will. Like I said, might die tomorrow.”

“Yeah well…” He ran his hand down his chest, letting out a gasp as his palms brushed his nipples.

“They’re sensitive angel. Pinch them a bit.”

“I-I will not!”

“Suit yourself, but I don’t mind.” he said one of his hands coming off of Aziraphale’s thigh to cup his crotch giving it a squeeze.

Aziraphale looked at him in shock, but then quickly looked down at himself as he felt his dick give a twitch.

“There you go angel. See, you’re enjoying the show too.” 

He looked back up to see Crowley giving him a smirk, which looked all too wrong in his one face. The demon began to stroke himself lazily, as he began to harden in his hand. 

Two could play at this game. The demon was not winning this time. 

Azirphale mimicked what Crowley was doing, and was soon hard himself. He let out a groan. He never knew that it could be this good. 

Crowley dropped his hand from his cock, and looked at himself in the mirror again. He admired the flush on Azirphale’s cheek, the curve of his cock. Mouthwaters. He walked over to the bed, and sat down on the edge of it taking himself in hand again, patting the spot next to him with his other. 

After a moment’s hesitation the angel went and sat down next to him. Crowley shot him a smile, and laid down. He pointed up at the ceiling. Aziraphael’s eyes followed the finger, and then widened as he saw the mirror mounted on the ceiling.

“Wh-what is that!?!”

Crowley chuckled, his laugh coming out sweet and angelic. It was nothing like Crowley’s usual laugh, and Aziraphale didn’t like it one bit.

“We demons are a bit narcissistic. I like watching myself have sex whether it be by myself or with someone else.”

Aziraphale didn’t know how to answer that, but if he watched the mirror he could watch himself in Crowley’s body. See what Crowley looked like while...he took off his glasses and laid down too. Crowley began to move his hand on his cock again, and noticed as Aziraphale tried to copy him.

“First time angel?”

“You know it is!” he said.

“Alright alright. Don’t get yourself in a tizzy. I’ll walk you through it. Wrap your hand around the tip. Yes, like that but tighter.”

“But-” 

“Don’t worry angel. I like it a bit rough. You won’t hurt me. Tighter, tighter, yes just like that. Now move your hand up and down, tip only.” He did it to himself, showing Aziraphale what he meant. “Good good. Yes that’s it angel.” he said, as he saw the angel’s hips give a little jerk through the mirror. He turned his eyes back to himself, watching himself caress the angel’s dick. 

He listened to the sounds of Aziraphale panting next to him. It was a bit strange to hear what he sounded like during sex, but if he just concentrated on it being his angel that was making those pleasureable noises, well that sent a heat down his belly. 

“It wet yet angel?”

Aziraphale nodded. “Y-yes. Very.” 

“Good. Slide your thumb over it. Get that nice and wet too. Then move it down the base. Just watch me. Do as I do. You want the base to be a bit slick. You don’t want to give yourself a dry handjob. That shits uncomfortable like...well hell. Yeah, that’s it. Doing perfect. Good. Now move your hand like before, just this time up and down the whole thing.”

Crowley fell quiet letting Aziraphale try it on his own. While he was doing that he concentrated on finding out what the angel liked. The angel’s body seemed to like it slower and a bit more gentle than Crowley liked on himself. Go figure.

“Good. Now that you got the hang of it, pick up the pace a bit. I told you I like it rough and hard. Twist it a bit. I like that also.”

Aziraphale gave it a little twist and cried out.

“See? I told you.”

“C-Crowley this is….”

“That ain’t nothing angel.” he waved his hand that wasn’t on his cock, and the bedside table drawer popped open. “Reach in there, and pull out what’s inside.”

He reached behind him, and felt around blindy until he came upon something. He was surprised when out came a red dildo.

“Oh Crowley! I-I couldn’t!”

“You can angel. I love it, you’ll love it too. Do as I say and it’ll be okay.”

“But what about you? It’s yours….”

“Don’t worry about me angel. I have my fingers. Now, bend your knees, and spread your legs apart. Make sure you’re nice and wet inside or it’s going to hurt alright?”

The angel nodded.

“Now, bring your hand between your knees. Lift your hips a bit, good good. Now line up and push it in slowly.”

Aziraphale did as he was told, tiny breathless whimpers coming out the deeper and deeper it got.

“There that’s it. Now move it in and out.”

He looked back up at the mirror, and put his legs in the same position, his other hand coming down in between them. Just the thought of his angel, using his dildo was enough to make him come, but he couldn’t...not until Aziraphale finished. He pushed a finger in, and groaned at the feeling. His angel was so tight. It felt so good. He wanted to be the one pushing into him, moving in him not these stupid fingers. Crowley stopped at three.

The room was mostly silent, and the two fucked themselves. The only sounds quiet moans, quiet groans, and soft slaps between them. Both were afraid to make too much noise. Afraid that if they did the mood would be broken, and this would all end. 

Crowley felt himself getting closer and closer.

“A-angel. Tilt the dildo a bit, angle it. A little more...yes right there. Now pull it out, and push it back in.”

Aziraphale cried out back arching off the bed. He did it again, and again, and then once more. He closed his eyes, head thrown back, as he came crying out.

Crowley looked back at himself, curled his fingers into the angel’s prostate and came himself.

They both lay there for a few minutes panting. Slowly, they met each other’s eyes in the mirror. Finally, Aziraphale was the first to break eye contact. He pulled the dildo out, and sat up. He miracled them both clean, and both of their clothes back on.

“If we survive tomorrow angel we’re doing that again. This time in our own bodies, and that’s not going to be a dildo inside of you.”

Aziraphale didn’t say anything. He just nodded and got up, muttering a good night at the door. And as he walked back out to the living room, he couldn’t help but think that even though he didn’t give in, he was still the one who lost whatever game between them they had been playing. Even so, he found that he didn’t care. Sometimes losing is nice.


End file.
